You fuck, you ate my cat. Goodbye, my Tybalt.

This is difficult so I’m going to do it quickly. I wanted this to be a sort of tribute post, but now that I’m actually writing it I don’t think I have the stones to pull it off at the moment.

Anna readers may recognize the title of this post as one of my favorite Cas Lowood quotes. He says it after his cat, Tybalt, meets an untimely demise in Anna Dressed in Blood. What you might not know is that Tybalt is actually my cat. A black, sweet and slinky ball of sass who pulled tufts of fur out and left them around the house. He could catch flies in his mouth in midair. His eyes were sometimes green, and sometimes yellow.

When he died on Thursday, they were green.

It all happened very fast. A few weeks ago, he became a picky eater, and stopped sleeping between my feet. We thought he had a cold, and tried different kinds of food. We worried he might be feeling neglected, and lavished him with more attention. When he didn’t improve, we took him to our vet on Monday. Blood tests. Fluid in his belly. Cancer.

We thought we would be going to pick him up. Perhaps have a few good weeks to say goodbye. But Tybalt never came home.

Our house is sad now, and full of shadows. It’s too quiet. It’s cold. I would like to lie down and kick dirt over myself like a demented, post-partum sea turtle. But it’s been a dry summer here and the ground is just…packed really fucking tight.

Thank you to all of the readers who told me how pissed they were about Tybalt’s fate in the book. I used to tell him about it, and he would slow blink at me as if to say, “I told you. You shouldn’t have killed me off. I was the eye candy. I was the star. Now be a good girl and give me some treats. Just a small handful, as I don’t want to ruin my lunch.”

Cats pack a lot of words into slow blinks. Anyway, for the next while, if I’m slow to respond or absent-minded with anyone, this is why.


25 thoughts on “You fuck, you ate my cat. Goodbye, my Tybalt.

  1. I’m sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is heartbreaking. They are part of your family.
    We had something similar happen to our dear rabbit Edgar. (named after Poe) He was old and ill and we took him for a routine checkup the day before Thanksgiving. And he didn’t come home with us.
    I hope Tybalt is curled up on a big fluffy couch somewhere, happy.

    1. joni says:

      ah I feel so so sorry for your loss, the pain of loosing an animal, a pet , a soul, tears you apart.
      Sending you hugs and condolences, fly free little gorgeous, heaven as gained an angel far too fuc~~~g soon! xxx <3

      1. Kendare Blake says:

        Thank you, Joni.

    2. Kendare Blake says:

      Right before a holiday? That’s so rough. Thank you for the big fluffy couch thought, Kimberly. I’m sure that’s where he is. Unless he took my advice and is currently gestating inside a wild swimming mama Orca.

  2. Vicky Alvear Shecter says:

    Oh, so sorry about Tybalt, Kendare. I had a similar situation with my kitty years ago–he was also an all black beauty–and I also brought him in because he was under the weather. His name was Yaz but I called him Dazzy. I still think about him so many years later. Here’s what I told myself then (and still do): He KNOWS I loved him and it warmed him and gave him peace and comfort. The fact that he loved me was a gift I joyously accepted. Bless you, Tybalt. You were deeply loved.

    1. Kendare Blake says:

      Thanks for this, Vicky. It helps. And seeing your pampered felines on Instagram helps, too. I suppose we are pretty good cat parents.

  3. Anne Tedeton says:

    I lost my cat last week, too. Thank you for the condolences—they helped a lot. Tybalt will be missed. He seemed to be quite the ball of sass. I wish you peace.

    1. Kendare Blake says:

      You too, Anne. Bad week for cats. Hope you’re doing okay.

  4. Oh, so sorry!!! We lost our 14yo Tortie in April to cancer. SUCKS. We waited a month and got a rescue kitten that just fell into our laps, so to speak. It doesn’t mean we miss our other cat less, but it’s helped us get over our grief. The kitten is nothing like the other cat, so that helps too. So, so, sorry for your loss.

    1. Kendare Blake says:

      Cancer does suck. I’m sorry you lost your Tortie. I love Torties. They are so beautiful, and wild-looking.

  5. I’m so so sorry to hear!! Losing a pet is a special kind of pain, because they’re part of the family and at the same time have a special status that the human members don’t get… It’s even worse when you don’t get the time to take them home and pamper them and say goodbye…

    1. Kendare Blake says:

      It was so very fast. It still feels like I should be going to pick him up. Thanks, Pili. Maria.

  6. 🙁 My heart goes out to you. Nothing more painful than losing a precious member of your family, furry or human.

    1. Kendare Blake says:

      Thank you, Bonnie.

  7. Anita says:

    I am so sorry for you. God bless you, you are in my prayers.

    1. Kendare Blake says:

      Thank you, Anita.

  8. Angus Davidson says:

    I’m very sorry for you loss. I know that you gave Tybalt the absolute best life he could have. And, really, I think that’s all anyone can do for anyone else in this life. <3

    1. Kendare Blake says:

      Thank you, Angus.

  9. fishgirl182 says:

    So sorry to hear about Tybalt. Pets become part of our families and their loss is keenly felt. The best we can do is to love them while they are here and let them love us in return. I imagine that there is a big pet haven in the sky where our furry friends can run free and get all the treats they want.

    1. Kendare Blake says:

      Thanks, fishgirl. He would certainly enjoy the unlimited treats part.

  10. Aww. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is losing a family member. Even if they were furry! At least you know he’s not in pain anymore and in a better place! I’ll keep both you and Tybalt in my prayers.

    1. Kendare Blake says:

      Thank you, Jessica.

  11. Chica says:

    Sad to know about this. I dont like cats much, but your Tybalt was a special one since he inspired such a badass character. He will always be remembered. My condolences to you and your family. Stay amazing and keep going girl. He would like that.

  12. Emma Hanrahan says:

    RIP tybalt. I feel so sorry for you, and i hope tybalt will be happy in its little cat afterlife, perhaps hanging with Anna.

  13. Lori Claxton says:

    I am very sorry for your loss. I’ve been there, and it’s a terrible place to be; and any time I hear of someone losing a pet, part of me goes back there. Your Tybalt is a beauty.

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